SUNDAY SNIPPET: November 3

Last weekend's excerpt from Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud: Relapse and the Symptoms of Sobriety and this weekend's both lead into the chapter on communication, a vital part of getting into and stay in recovery.


We need five things to shelter a recovery (aside from the obvious don't-take-the-first-drink mandate). The five basics to keep us on the path moving from abstinence to sobriety to recovery and navigating that path without the relapse detours:
Friendship.
Acceptance.
Intimacy.
Consistency.
And Responsibility.

We can have none of those five without people on whom we can rely and the communication we share with them. Several studies bear this out: The most recent (June 2010) is from the Center for the Study of Addiction and Recovery at Texas Tech University. This work demonstrated that those who dealt with stress by avoiding it had twice the frequency of alcohol cravings compared to people who used communication strategies to confront and understand stress.

At life’s intersections, if we don’t communicate well with others and do it with specificity and substance, we’re going to get t-boned.

If communicating feels one-sided at first, you’re doing it right. It has to be one-sided and you may feel like you’re just taking. It is all about the Alcoholic. And it has to be, at least at first. AA and other recovery resources will point out that in early recovery anything you put ahead of your sobriety you will lose. Davis Prend adds, “In the beginning . . . a definite period of self-absorption is necessary. In some ways you have to be completely, narcissistically involved in order to activate the healing process.” You’re not really in a position to give to others until you give to yourself first.
--  Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud: Relapse and the Symptoms of Sobriety, pg. 87
www.alcohologist.com


The new radio interview replay is available at alcohologist.com... and please read the new interview with Scott Stevens at Christoph Fisher Books.  Mr. Fisher is an acclaimed international historical fiction novelist from the UK. 

SUNDAY SNIPPET: October 27

The excerpt this weekend comes, again, from Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud: Relapse and the Symptoms of Sobriety.  However, there will be a second excerpt and links to an author interview posted Oct. 28. The book had the honor of appearing on the website of internationally acclaimed historical fiction novelist, Christoph Fischer.  Watch for that tomorrow.  

Today's snippet is the introduction to a chapter on communication in recovery...

Communication is the glue that holds an Alcoholic together during recovery, so in that regard it is me-oriented. In no way does this mean exalting yourself or venting your ego. Instead, the emphasis is on self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is give-and-take even though it might feel like you’re just taking.

We have a bandage of silence over the wounds alcohol left if we clam up. The bandage does not cure the cortisol, it only makes the Symptoms feel less goofy temporarily.

Self-disclosure is the medicine for the cortisol. “Disclosing private information about ourselves is a very effective assertiveness skill. Private feelings and worries cannot be dealt with by other people by denying or disregarding the truths of your feelings,” according to psychologist Manuel Smith. “The type of voluntary self-disclosure is about things we assume we should hide.” Like grief. Like guilt. “Voluntary self-disclosure is not to be confused with the vomiting up of confessions of lack of self-worth.” Voluntary self-disclosure also means talking only about today. Twelve-step manual Alcoholics Anonymous adds, “Unless some good or useful purpose is to be served, past occurrences should not be discussed.”

Talk about what you feel, in other words, not what you did.
--  Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud: Relapse and the Symptoms of Sobriety, pg. 88
www.alcohologist.com