There
are several reasons Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud notes in favor of
attending some sort of self-help group. Attendance can help stave
off relapse, but on a more basic level it provides a place to talk
and to be heard and to be understood. It doesn't have to be the 12-steps. There are
other alternatives, some are quite effective and might be a better
fit given a person's location or belief system. The fact is
regardless of belief system, we need a place to talk about The Things
We Don't Talk About.
"I’m
no shill for AA. The slogan factory drives me nuts. More about this
in a moment. I hate the coffee. The Higher Power thing is tough for
some people to swallow. Some people stay away from 12-step meetings
because they don’t see themselves in the people around the tables
or hear their stories told in the tragic stories of others. That is
the point in going: To make sure you’re communicating what is
stressing you before you go back to the drinking and become
those tragic stories.
You go because you don’t want to become The Alcoholic You Don’t
Want To Be.
I
screwed that one up, big time.
When
I first went to a 12-step meeting, I was Alcoholic. No Doubt About
It. But I didn’t hear myself as
I presently was in
the stories. I heard the horror stories. I was a functioning,
maintenance drinker with a great job, two cars, etc. I didn’t have
this low bottom I heard in the other stories. So I walked away, not
realizing that that
day could have been
my bottom. Their stories of grief and shame weren’t me.
I had great empathy for their ordeals. What I failed to see was that
they were a gift, showing me where I was headed, not where I was.
That these ordeals of theirs were
mine if I didn’t
make that day my bottom. They were the Alcoholics I Didn’t Want To
Be.
At
the dawn of AA in the 1930s, the makeup was men and women with low,
low bottoms. Over the years, that changed mainly because those who
had hit low bottoms were able to raise the bottom to a level where it
applies to Alcoholics-in-training like me who hadn’t had a low
bottom. Yet. I failed. I didn’t
listen . . . there’s that communication thing again . . . to what
they were saying that they, too, were one day in the same shape I
was. And then I became the Alcoholic I Didn’t Want To Be a few
years down the road. While we have to talk about the stuff we don’t
talk about, it pays to listen. A lot. I
go to 12-step meetings for this, but there are other options out
there, too. Use them. Most are free. All are free of excuses not to attend."
--from
Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud: Relapse and the Symptoms of Sobriety, pgs. 104-105
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